Professor Longbottom's Office
by FloatingCloudBadger
Summary: Some nights, Professor Longbottom regrets telling people his office door is always open.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Every year, I greet my students in the same way.

"Hello," I say to them, smiling as my put my briefcase on my desk. "I am Professor Longbottom."

Sometimes they look impressed, and sometimes they look interested, while others look politely blank.

However they look, I press on.

"I'm here to teach you Herbology," I tell them. "But if you need to talk, my office door is always open."

And then I begin to teach, while some of them roll their eyes, and others continue to look politely blank.

It has to be said, some nights I regret saying those words.


	2. Sometimes It's Relevant

**Sometimes It's Relevant**

Sometimes it's relevant.

"Professor?"

I looked up from my marking at the sound of a gentle knock on the door, accompanied by a timid voice.

"Ellen," I said. "Anything the matter?"

The Second Year Ravenclaw was standing there, her eyes slightly red.

"I just… wanted to talk to you," she said timidly, still hovering in the doorway.

"Oh?"

Ellen came a few steps further into my office as I laid down my quill.

"Yeah," she said, a little more confident. "It's about my Herbology mark."

I can't say I wasn't relieved.

"Oh," I replied. "Well, come in, take a seat."

Ellen did so, and it was only then that I noticed that she had her latest essay clutched in her hands.

I stood up, and went to find my markbook, trying to remember what mark I had given Ellen to make her so upset.

"Tea?" I added as an afterthought, taking the book down from my top shelf.

Ellen shook her head. "No thanks."

Sitting back down, I looked down at my markbook, then up into Ellen's eyes.

"Ellen, you're doing very well in Herbology," I said, surprised. "You're averaging at an 8, that's a good mark."

Ellen looked uncomfortable.

"Can I see your essay?" I asked, realising that I'd given her a 7 for the last assignment.

She handed it over, her eyes blinking too fast.

I quickly scanned it over, trying to work out what I could constructively criticise.

Sighing, I laid the essay onto the table.

"Ellen, it's not that there's anything majorly wrong with your essay," I said wearily. "It's just little errors, or problems with the way you put things, and it brings down the whole essay."

Ellen looked on the verge of sobbing.

"Thank you, Professor," she said quietly, and got up to go.

"Ellen, wait," I said on impulse.

She turned around, waiting, biting hard on her lip.

"I want you to tell me why this has upset you so much," I said, trying to be both firm and gentle.

Ellen sighed, and looked at the floor.

"Ellen?" I said gently.

The Second Year took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. "I'm not doing as well as the others," she said at last, almost inaudible.

Suddenly, I understood.

"Sit," I told her.

Trying hard not to burst into tears, Ellen sat back down, looking at her lap.

"Ellen," I told her gently. "Look, it really doesn't matter what everyone else in the class is getting."

"It does!" protested Ellen, looking up at me. "If it doesn't, then why are there league boards for OWLs, and NEWTs?"

I took a deep breath.

"Because that's different," I said tiredly. "Ellen, it only really matters that you're doing fine, and I know that you're in Ravenclaw, and maybe that makes it hard sometimes, because you're all so clever, but I promise you, it really isn't going to matter."

I saw tears well up in Ellen's eyes, and, because crying girls make me so uncomfortable, I decided to ignore them.

"Alright?" I said gently, shutting my markbook, and putting it back up on the shelf.

When I turned back around, Ellen was nodding, surreptitiously wiping her eyes.

I sat back down, wondering what I should say.

"Are you OK?" I said uncertainly at last.

Ellen nodded again.

"I'm sorry to get all upset, Professor," she mumbled, pulling her sleeves over her hands and wiping her eyes.

"It's fine," I said, smiling ruefully.

Ellen smiled a little. "You look really uncomfortable."

"Well…"

We both smiled, and Ellen stood up.

"I'd better go, Professor," she said, sounding much happier than before. "Thank you."

"Welcome," I said gruffly, picking my quill up again, and hoping I didn't look as embarrassed as I felt.


	3. Sometimes It's Stupid

Sometimes it's stupid.

I had barely marked a quarter of an essay when someone knocked on the open door, once again.

"Professor?"

To my surprise, this time it was a cheerful, curious voice, and I looked up, feeling relieved.

Until I saw who it was.

"Beccy, Francesca, Maddie," I said tiredly, knowing it could be nothing good. "What is it?"

Maddie beamed at me. "Professor, is your middle name John?"

I sighed, trying hard not to laugh. "Get out."

"No, but seriously," said Beccy, looking as though she was trying hard not to burst out laughing. "Is it?"

Realising that I'd never get rid of them otherwise, I decided to answer. "No, it is not."

"Oh," they said together, and I went back to my marking.

There was a pause.

"Is it Michael?"

"Get out!"

Barely able to walk from laughing, they did so.


	4. Sometimes It's Personal

**Sometimes It's Personal**

Sometimes it's personal.

"Professor?"

I looked up, my quill caught between my teeth, and saw Kate Maddison, looking at me with big eyes.

"Kate," I said, disentangling my quill and setting it down on the desk.

"Can I talk to you?" asked Kate nervously, biting on her lip.

This didn't alarm me - I knew Kate too well to expect her to be anything but shy, around anyone and everyone.

"Of course," I said, gesturing to a chair in front of my desk.

Kate sat down on the very edge of her chair, looking desperately uncomfortable.

"Is something the matter?" I asked, sounding unintentionally condescending.

Kate bit her lip, twisting her hands in her lap.

"Professor, I… I wanted to… I mean…"

"Kate?" I prompted her, after I was sure that no more random sentence fragments would be blurted out.

"You're… you're shy, aren't you, Professor?"

I frowned, unsure what Kate was getting at.

"Yes?" I said uncertainly.

Kate looked even more uncomfortable. "But… you're… I mean, you've…"

"Kate, I don't understand what you mean," I said, trying to be gentle.

"Never mind," she said, after a pause, getting up.

It was only when she was at the door that something clicked into place.

"Kate?"

She turned around, still wide-eyed as ever.

"I just got it," I said, blushing slightly. "Why don't you sit down?"

Kate sat back down, looking a little more heartened.

"Kate, it's OK to be shy," I told her gently. "I mean, you'll grow out of it."

She looked unconvinced.

"Really," I assured her.

There was a long silence, as each of us wondered what to do.

"Is there any particular reason…?" I trailed off, uncomfortable.

Kate dithered for a moment. "It's… there's…"

I felt my face turn red as I understood what she meant.

I coughed. "Is there… a boy… er… involved in this?"

Turning an even brighter red than me, Kate nodded ever so slightly.

"Er… right," I said uncomfortably. "Well… er… I…"

To my surprise, I saw a hint of a smile on the corners of Kate's mouth, despite how red her face still was.

"You know what, Professor, never mind," she said, sounding more cheerful, and standing up. "It doesn't matter."

Slightly puzzled, I swallowed. "Ah. Well. OK, then."

Kate gave me an amused smile, and left the room.

Completely bewildered now, I groaned quietly and laid my head on the table.

"What are you doing, Professor?"

I sighed, not taking my head up from the table, on hearing Albus' curious voice.

"Nothing, Albus," I said dully.

He stifled a snigger, and left.

Lifting my head up and starting to work again, I got a few seconds of peace.


	5. Sometimes It's Uncomfortable

**Sometimes It's Uncomfortable**

Sometimes it's uncomfortable.

There was a flamboyant knock on the door.

"You wanted to see us, Professor?"

I sighed, and put my quill down.

"Yes, Gaby, James, I wanted to see you," I said tiredly. "Please sit down."

Trying hard to stop grinning, they did so.

I looked them straight in the eyes.

"Now," I said seriously. "I was very displeased to find you two behind the greenhouses this afternoon-"

"Yeah, but Professor," interrupted James. "Really, did you never go behind the greenhouses with Aunt Luna?"

He waggled his eyebrows, watching me blush.

"No, James, I never snogged your Aunt Luna," I said firmly, trying to stay authoritarian. "Now-"

"Never behind the greenhouses?" said James, sounding disappointed. "Well, I expect you two had a little love hole behind a Crumple Horned Snorkack's nest or something-"

By now, my face was crimson.

"No, James," I repeated. "I never snogged your Aunt Luna _at all_."

James raised his eyebrows. "Not in school, maybe."

"Not at all," I told him firmly. "Anyway-"

"Come on," snorted James. "I bet you two used to get it on in your office-"

"James!" I barked at last. "Please be quiet!"

James smiled at his lap, carefully avoiding Gaby's eye.

"Right," I said, quieter. "Seriously, it's very inappropriate to be doing that kind of thing in public. You could get in serious trouble for something like that."

They looked slightly abashed.

"And, quite honestly, James, I have no desire to see your tongue," I finished, smiling slightly.

"You wanted to see my mum's enough," he muttered, and Gaby let out a small shout of laughter, quickly stifled.

I tried not to laugh. "James, why are you so determined that I have snogged members of your family and their friends?"

"Because you did!" he said insistently. "Uncle Ron told me!"

"And how much alcohol had he had at this point?"

James looked affronted. "None! He said you used to be a player!"

I spluttered.

"James, I had to ask three girls to the Yule Ball before one would go with me! I was, by no account, a player."

Gaby was gazing at me in amusement.

"Well, then," said James triumphantly. "You should be glad that me and Gaby have each other to snog behind the greenhouses, and we will have none of your heartache!"

I sighed, smiling. "Fine. Just don't do it again."

"Thank you, Professor!" said Gaby, smiling at me as they left.

"Oh, why don't you just go and snog _him_ behind the greenhouses, then?" I heard James mutter, grinning.

Gaby shoved him, as I called after them – "Not appropriate, James!"

"Sorry, Professor!"

I sighed, and began to work again.


	6. Sometimes It's Professional

**Sometimes It's... "Professional"**

Sometimes it's... "professional"

"Hello, Neville!"

I sighed, pleased in spite of myself.

"Luna," I said, grinning.

Luna gazed at me sternly. "This is a professional visit," she informed me.

I smiled. "Alright."

Luna sat down on the chair opposite my desk and pulled out a large chart. "Can we borrow some plants?"

"We?"

"Me and Rolf," she explained. "We have experiments to do."

"What experiments?" I said suspiciously. "Luna, you know stuff like that is  
banned-"

Luna looked slightly affronted. "It's nothing like that. We want to set a trap for a Crumple Horned Snorkack."

"I see," I said, grinning. "Well, fine, I guess. What do you want to borrow?"

"Four Stars of Jerusalem," she said brightly. "And a geranium."

"Luna, you can get geraniums at Muggle garden centres."

"Oh, I know," she said vaguely. "I just like them. And I don't like Muggle garden centres."

I started to talk, but Luna was off.

"They're a bit crowded," she said thoughtfully. "And there are always random half-naked men."

I spluttered again. "What?!"

"You know, the ones with the spades."

"Oh," I said, understanding. "I see."

"Did you think it was porn, Neville?"

I turned slightly red. "No."

Luna started to laugh, and once she started, she couldn't stop. "Porn garden centres!" she shrieked, and it was only then I realised that the door was open, and half the school had run to the scene.

Smiling, I closed the door, and tried to shush Luna.

"Luna, please!" I hissed. "They probably think I'm raping you or something!"

"You're RAPING her?!"

I slapped my hand against my forehead, but ignored the voice. Luna was still rolling around on the floor.

After another few minutes of hysterical giggles, and whispers from outside the door, Luna finally wiped her eyes and climbed back onto her chair.

"Ooh," she giggled. "Ooh."

The plants that I had been preparing during her hysterics were sitting on the side, and Luna picked them up, beaming.

"Thank you, Neville," she said brightly. "I have to go home now."

"Any time, Luna," I said wearily.

Luna beamed again and left, to many giggles from the surrounding crowd.

I sighed, and started to work.


	7. Sometimes It's Medical

**Sometimes It's Medical**

Sometimes it's medical.

"Professor?"

I threw down my quill, and glared up at the nervous figure in the doorway.

"Sorry, is this a bad time?"

I sighed. "No, it's fine. Come in."

Jade smiled nervously at me.

"Madam Pomfrey sent me," she said anxiously. "She said she needed some plants for a potion?"

"Oh, alright," I said wearily. "What plants does she need?"

For some inexplicable reason, Jade blushed slightly and handed me a list, with a very odd combination of plants on it.

"Are you sure these are the ones she wanted?" I asked, frowning slightly. "This seems an odd combination… what's she making?"

Jade blushed harder, and mumbled something inaudible.

"What was that?" I asked calmly, my nerves throbbing slightly.

Jade took a deep breath. "It's a potion for… PMS. And… er… menstrual cramps."

Suddenly, the glow on her face was nothing compared to mine.

"Ah," I said, coughing. "Well, that… er, explains why I don't recognise the recipe…"

Jade nodded, giving me a vaguely amused look, even though her blush.

Mortified, I turned my back on the girl and collected the plants for her, my workstation thankfully being still set up from Luna.

"Thank you, Professor," she said, gathering up the plants.

"Welcome," I said, my face still pink. "And… er… tell Madam Pomfrey good luck with her potion. And her cramps."

It was only afterwards that I realised how stupid it was to say this.

Jade turned a bright scarlet, and mumbled something, before making a hasty exit.

I sighed.


	8. Sometimes It's Alright

**Sometimes It's Alright**

Sometimes it's alright.

An hour later, I had done almost no work, due to constant interruptions (though none as embarrassing as Jade's), so when there was a knock on the door, I was understandably annoyed.

I grunted, threw down my quill, and stormed over to the door.

When I saw who it was, however, it was the only person who could have possibly made me feel better, and, in a moment of passion, I grabbed her and snogged her as fiercely as Gaby and James had been doing behind the greenhouses just a few hours before.

Hannah, though surprised, quickly caught on.

After several minutes, I pulled away, beaming.

"Good day?" said Hannah, eyebrows raised.

"Um, yeah," I replied, slightly bashfully.

It was only when I stepped out into the hall that I saw Gaby and James staring at us triumphantly.

"And you told us off!" said James, grinning.

I felt my face turn red.

"I'm married to Hannah, James, it's an entirely different thing," I said, trying to be calm.

Gaby grinned.

"I'm serious!" I protested. "It is a different thing!"

They both grinned harder.

"Oh, fine, ten points to Gryffindor and Ravenclaw for proving me wrong," I said, smiling in spite of myself.

Sometimes, I regret telling people that my office door is always open.

But, really, sometimes it's worth it.


End file.
